Something about the back of my head (or, that one time I was Miley Cyrus’ doppelganger)

by kattiewampus

Many of you may remember a certain blog post I wrote a little over a year ago about an undergrad student who tried to hit on me while I was on my lunch break.

Well, it would appear that my life is just one big series of history repeating itself, because it happened to me again yesterday.

I was on my lunch break. I had opted to take a walk around the perimeter of campus instead of going to the gym, because I felt that I could use some sunshine and fresh air to lift my spirits.

I had circumnavigated the campus and was cutting back across to head over to the on-campus grocery store to buy lunch. I heard the familiar, unwelcome sound of skateboard wheels approaching from behind. I have a very specific loathing of skateboards on campus, but I’ll save that for another blog post. It sounded like the skateboarder was coming up directly behind me, which annoyed me. I can’t see you which means you need to go around me and not expect me to move out of the way for you.

The skateboarder came up alongside me; I could hear him talking: “That hair, though!”

Then I realized he was talking to me.

He was calling me Miley Cyrus and making it sound like he had come a long way just to meet me.

It was bizarre from the start.

So then, this guy proceeds to stand there and talk with me. The conversation was so random and disjointed that there is no way I can do it justice, so I’ll just relay some of the highlights.

Like how the conversation pretty much started with him wanting to know if I would perform CPR on him if I found him lying on the side of the road.

I told him I would get a medical professional to do it.

Or how he freaked out over my eyes: “THOSE EYES!!!” First the hair, then the eyes.

Or how he was trying to get me to admit that I had sensed his presence, to which I reminded him that I heard him coming up behind me on his skateboard. He really wanted it to be more psychic than that.

Him: “Are you spiritual?”

Me: “Well, I’m a Christian.”

Him: “So, do you do, like… yoga?”

Me: “I took a yoga class once, it was fun.”

Him: “So, do you like… meditate and stuff?”

Me: “I pray. It’s kind of similar.”

Or how he was asking me about whether or not I was a student here.

Me: “No, I work here.”

Him: “You seem pretty young! Are you a genius?”

Me: “I’m twenty-five…”

Him: “So, you’re a genius! Are you done already? Did you already graduate?”

Me: “I graduated three years ago.”

Him: “So you were like twenty-two when you graduated. You ARE a genius!”

Me: “No… not really. But that’s sweet of you to say.”

And then there was the part where he started asking me about my love life: “So, who’s the lucky guy?”

Me: <laughs uncomfortably>

Him: “AWWWHHHHH – you hesitated! There was hesitation! Don’t make him up now!”

Me: “I’m not making anybody up… there is no lucky guy.”

And then he started asking me if this had ever happened before. I told him it had – about a year ago.

I can’t really explain how the conversation jumped from one topic to the next, because there wasn’t a lot of coherency or logical progression to it (I think it is legitimately possible that he might have been high). But he apparently noticed my upper arms because he started asking me if I lifted. I said no. Did I bench? No. So, then he wanted to show me his biceps, and by “show” I actually mean that he wanted me to feel his biceps. I said no thanks. So, then he reached out and felt mine. Which freaked me out a little bit, so I took a step back. Did I mention that he was standing, oh, maybe 12 inches away from me during the entire conversation?

Anyway, then he starts asking me about what I do at the university, and am I really on my lunch break, and do I really want to go back to work or would I rather go on an adventure. I eighty-sixed the adventure offer, but he was persistent: “I really want to hang out with you so bad. Can we hang out later?”

Me: <smiling but firm> “No, sorry.”

He was amazed that I was flat-out rejecting his offer. Apparently I was breaking his heart. I told him he would get over it. He said he needed to go find the friend that he was apparently meeting on campus (did he even go here? Who knows!) and cry on his shoulder.

Him: <spreading his arms for a hug> “So, is this it, then? Should we say good-bye forever?”

Me: <taking a few more steps back> “Yeah, I think that would be good.”

Him: “I love you.”

Me: “Okay, I’m going now.”

Actually, we then got on the subject of my blog and I told him I was going to write a blog post about our encounter, and asked if that was okay. He said yes, and continued to walk with me part of the way to the grocery store, making up all kinds of information about his “travel blog” that he wanted me to mention in my post.

Finally, we went our separate ways.

For the record, my re-telling of this story does not nearly capture the full effect of the weirdness or the randomness. It is but a taste of the strangeness of yesterday’s encounter.

To be clear, because I decided to just walk around campus, I didn’t even bother changing into workout clothes. Instead, I just put on my tennis shoes and stayed in my regular work outfit. In other words, I looked kind of goofy. In other words, I really have no idea why I caught his attention. And I say that not out of false modesty, but because it really is odd to me that this has happened twice now.

Case in point:

photo 1(1)

Trying to capture the full effect

photo 2(1)

Don’t be judging my cankles now!

I mean, really. What is it with guys coming up from behind me and then acting like they’re doing me a favor by hitting on me? Is the back of my head really that ridiculous?